I have this whole lousy thing going on at work. Effing dress code. Not that I don’t enjoy not having to wear awful sarees. I am wearing formals so I am glad. I was bloody lazy to go hunting for a blazer so went to Jabong.com and ordered an ok looking blazer. It was delivered today. Online shopping sucks. The blazer has no collar. Summer jacket it seems.
It’s 12:01 now. Seven minutes ago, I was rereading my blog. Again. Something that I’m doing a lot these days. It’s not funny how my urges to do crazy things keep changing. A few days ago, I was considering deleting my presence off of the internet. When I told this to Maggi last evening he said that soon when I reread my blog, I will be surprised because I won’t want to kill myself. Something like that happened this morning. I read the ‘Fudge’ post and wasn’t embarrassed like I would have been. And that’s enormous for me. I didn’t feel like patting myself on the back and going all swoon. I was just happy because I didn’t want to hide my face.
In other news, my bouts of depression keep returning like waves, bigger and stronger. Last evening, when I was at PC, I felt lonely. I don’t usually feel the need for company, especially not when I’m at PC. But last evening I just felt sad and useless. I didn’t know where my life was going and what I wanted from it. Today, I want Sushi, so I am good.
This morning, I was feeling less pathetic about myself. I hung around like a goat and cleaned for a bit. I am a lot better now. I just keep having sushi cravings is all. It’s Sunday today. I wish all of it were mine. I don’t want to go out. I’m ranting now so I am going to stop.