Love & Labour

I wish it took a lot more from me to be able to cry. It doesn’t. I cry for everything and that’s why, when I say I cried while watching a scene in Queen Charlotte, nothing is actually said.

Even so, I am glad.

I cried while watching episode 3 because there is so much love in the space they’ve been able to make between two women, one white one black, to talk about intimacy – having it and not having it.

There is something deep about this attention/inattention to race that’s happening in this show. Reminds me of Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower, which requires a whole other post so I will get to that some other day. Today is only and only about Queen Charlotte, Lady Danbury, and all the men and women in this show. It’s also a little about protecting your joys from people peeing all over it.

I was moved when Lady Danbury and her help hug and squeal when Lord Danbury dies. There is so much restraint, so much freedom. Questions about whether it ok to celebrate somebody’s death are best reserved for other people. I am so happy to say I can make the choice of not having these other people in my life or even caring about what they say.

I am happy that in that small moment, I was rewarded with this feeling of being moved, of remaining open to being moved.

Last week, I presented my research proposal on Dawn Powell. I stood in a room full of people and asked why we don’t talk about love when we talk about research. Isn’t it a gift to be able to begin research because you love somebody so much that you don’t want to see their name being forgotten? When I talked about Dawn, I felt blessed. It became even better when two girls doing research in Botany came up to me and said they were very happy to hear someone speak about love during a research presentation.

A few days ago, someone asked me what I wanted to do my PhD on. When I said Dawn Powell from Ohio who ran away from home to write; all they wanted to know was, ‘White Woman?’ and when I said yes, they said hmmm.

If I was irritated, I better be prepared for worse. It’s going to be a thing now.